10 Keys For Better Online Dating
| April 3, 2010 | Posted by skain under Online Dating Tips |
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Once a relatively unheard-of phenomenon confined to internet geeks and teenagers in chatrooms, the world of internet dating is so mainstream that most of us can’t remember a time when we met people before seeing a picture and a profile. Sites like Match.com, EHarmony, and Chemistry are a billion-dollar industry, as people around the world are learning their dating pool is no longer dictated by chance and geography. Yet, some people find great success in the world of internet dating, while others tell tales of broken hearts and untruthful strangers. What do you need to do to improve your chances of meeting the person of your dreams, and making it a positive experience when you do?
1) Always be honest. The top reason people shy away from internet dating is the number of game players out there. People play games in the offline world, too, but you’re more likely to discover he’s married or she’s after your money when you’re interacting in the real world. Unless you’re playing games, too, you’re going to meet that online flirtation someday, so why base it on a phony picture or exaggerating your profile? A real connection will not survive a foundation of untruthfulness.
2) Virtual people have real feelings. You may think it’s okay to string someone along, to make fun of them, or to simply cut off communication one day, but these behaviors are as damaging as in offline life, if not more so. Online relationships often form a greater connection more quickly, and games and rejection can hurt even more. Always treat everyone as you’d like to be treated.
3) Put your best (genuine) face forward. Everyone knows a picture is worth a thousand words, so choose one that represents the true you. Photos of you 10 years and 40 pounds ago don’t help anyone, and neither does refusing to put up a photo at all. Those who are shallow, superficial, or just plain wrong for you are the only ones who are going to reject you on the basis of your photo. Be confident in who you really are.
4) Take your profile seriously. If online dating is like a job interview, the profile is your cover letter, not your resume. Listing too many details is tedious, and doesn’t give much incentive to get to know you. Listing too few shows you’re not putting out the effort you should. Keep it brief, interesting, and written in a way that shows your individuality.
5) Make that first communication special and unique. This is where you really have a chance to let your personality shine through. It’s obvious when you’re writing one “You’re so great, I’d love to get to know you” letter and sending it to everyone. It doesn’t work in the bar, and it doesn’t work online. If you’re interested in someone, take the time to let them know.
6) Don’t be corny. Lines just don’t work, online or off. If you’re going to reach out and establish communication, you’re going to have to show the real you, and not just rely on cheesy lines. For many, pickup lines are a comfort zone, but that zone is never going to help you find the right person.
7) Trust your intuition. If someone seems to be sending out signals they’re not who they seem to be, trust that vibe. If someone can only chat at odd hours, if they are hesitant to give out their phone number or meet after an extended period of time, there’s a huge chance they’re either only looking for an online flirtation or hiding something.
Choose a safe, non-threatening, public place for your first meeting. Treat every meeting like a blind date, without the friend who can vouch for the other person. The horror stories of internet meetings gone awry are few and far between, but usually occur in non-public places. Everyone involved will feel more comfortable in a location that’s not too private.
9) Talk openly and honestly about your situation. Much like in offline dating, trouble arises when people want different things and don’t communicate honestly about it. If you’re looking to date, and she just wants a new friend to hang out with, it is not going to end well. Likewise, if you’re on the dating websites for casual hookups, don’t waste time with someone who’s looking to get married next year.
10) Hide your profile. If you date someone you’ve met via an online dating site, at some point, it’s going to occur to your significant other that perhaps you’re still looking for other people on the same website. If you decide to take the relationship seriously, you’re both going to have to agree to hide your profiles, and actually do so.
Online dating can be an extraordinary way to meet an array of new people you might never otherwise encounter. Be wary of the pitfalls, and you’ll be more free to let internet dating sites work for you.
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